You really coming over, don't trick.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
How external is "for external use only"?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
