So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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