Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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