Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
