brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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