Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
