Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
