great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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