my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
