I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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