I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
