Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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