he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
