dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
