so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
