He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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