you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
