Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
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