Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
