It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
