wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
