I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
