I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
