dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
