aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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