sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
accomplished twins. life is a go
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
