Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
