I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
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Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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