Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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