What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
