sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
