I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i need to put some appletini on your dick
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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