theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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