I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
