those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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