I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
