I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize