I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm bleeding and have questions
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
