I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
