So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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