I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
handjob tips. give me some.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
