Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
