So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
