good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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