I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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