I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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