Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
