Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
where am i from again
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
