she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
