i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
