Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
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He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
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I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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