so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
