Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
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I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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