sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
pop tarts are not kleenex
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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