i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
