How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
