I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
