So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
