FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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