What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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