Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
