haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
