who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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