Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
