i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
