I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
