He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
